25 Items or Less

Sometimes when you are away from home, you can really start to miss it. Fortunately for us, there are still some things that aren't different or remind us of home. All we have to do is drive to our neighborhood Walmart. Everybody knows that no matter where you are in the world, a Walmart is a Walmart. 

A few weeks ago, Vieve and I decided to see what the closest Walmart was like. When we got inside, it felt like we were back in SLC. There was still cheap clothes, cheap food, and white trash people or the equivalent to them. Home, sweet, home.

On this occasion we only needed a few leftover staples for the apartment. We looked around for a just a short time and decided to check out and get back to the east coast. When we got to the front we hadn't anticipated lines with over 15 people in each, but decided to wait in line for our two items anyway. We headed for what seemed like the shortest of the lines in one of the 25 items or less aisles. The line moved faster then expected and we were very close to the checkout when, the magic that is Walmart, hit us and everyone around us in full scale. I was just glancing at the covers of the tabloids when I heard someone in the next aisle say, " What did you say? B%#ch, you best be learnin' how to count. I got me less than 25 items." I immediately looked up and saw a huge black women with her hand up in front of another huge women's face, who appeared to be hispanic. The black women was with her three daughters, which could have easily been the offspring of Shaquille O'Neal. The hispanic woman had a daughter who was about 10 or 11 and  was scared to death. There was continued squawking/obscenities  from each party while the black woman finished checking out. As the family was walking away, the hispanic must have whispered something under her tongue. What it was we will never know. All I know is that one of the daughters heard it and stopped with an  "Oh, no you di-nt" kind of look on her face. I don't think I have ever seen something so big move so swiftly, but she had pounced on this woman,  and from a good distance no less, before my appreciation for this moment could graduate to the next level. Although the woman had moved like a cheetah, it all seemed to be going in slow motion. Even her voice slowed and deepened as she screamed "Thaaaaat's  Myyyyyy Motthhherrrr youuur taaaaalkinn bouutt!" This girl wasn't just up in her face. It was like a giant amoeba trying to absorb another amoeba. It... was... AWESOME! From this point on, all she could do was point her finger to the ceiling, keep absorbing, and yelling "Now what, B!%ch? Now what?" This went on for a few more "Now whats?" before her sisters dragged her off toward the exit. 

While this is occurring the checker in our aisle had borrowed a customer's cellphone and was calling 911. "Hello, there is an incident in Walmart and we need backup. No, in Walmart. No, IN Walmart. Yeah, inside the store. We don't have any security. Okay bye." She then started to ring us up.

Now that they were separated and the black family was now exiting the store blurting obscentities, the checker in their line (who happens to also be African-American) starts threatening that he will call the police on the hispanic women. Wrong move buddy. Another hispanic lady in our line wasn't going to have any of that and started freaking out, screaming, "Because your black and they're black, you think you can call the police." 

At this point our item had been rung up and we parted through the continued mess and headed for the exit. We wanted to stay but hey, that would have been awkward so we kept going. On the way to the car I said to Vieve, "That right there made this whole trip worth it. I don't need to go to law school anymore." After experiencing that, I knew I was now a part of the community. God Bless America!